Every adolescent and adult at one point in their life experienced a childhood, meaning every one of us has an inner child version of ourselves: a part of the subconscious that reflects your childlike personality. For some, this may be filled with fond memories, while for others traumatic experiences defined their upbringing. Most others have a combination of positive, negative, and mundane experiences from their childhood years. Many people’s childhood memories and experiences naturally feel more distant as time passes, but we carry these pivotal developmental years with us throughout the rest of our lives whether we realize it or not.
Childhood Development & Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Childhood is typically considered to range from 3 years old to 11 years old. During this time, we are learning and growing physically and mentally, absorbing our surroundings in order to try to make sense of our environment and the greater world. We are simultaneously trying to understand, communicate, and form connections and relationships with others. In addition, we are learning to understand our emotions and bodies, identifying our likes and dislikes, and for many children, beginning to learn about more complex subjects in a school setting. Wow! How did we all do that? Being a child is no walk in the park (which might explain why most children are never walking, but rather frantically running and screaming the second they step foot in a park), especially when you add on difficult or traumatic experiences while simply trying to learn to be a human being.
As we move on from childhood and enter adolescence and adulthood, we continue to physically grow and go through the motions of our lives, but sometimes we do not take the time to stop and fully process the experiences we had during our childhood. Humans have a few fundamental needs that, when met successfully and sequentially, allow us to fully flourish. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the first set of needs include physiological needs, such as breathing, food, water, shelter, sleep, and basic hygiene. Next is safety and security, such as personal safety, structure, order, and a stable income/job. After are social needs, such as feeling like you belong to a greater community, relationships with friends, and intimate relationships. Following social needs are self esteem needs, in which we feel like we have purpose, meaning, achievement, and validation. Lastly is self actualization, allows you to reach your potential and feel fulfilled. If any or all of these needs are not met at various points throughout our lives, especially during childhood, wounds will linger until these needs are acknowledged and met.
Inner Child Work
This is where inner child work comes into play. Through recognizing unmet needs, processing areas of neglect, and providing yourself with a healthy emotional response to expressing your unmet childhood needs, you can begin to heal from these past experiences that have led to feeling unsafe, unworthy, or not fully fulfilled in adulthood. By reflecting on past childhood experiences, whether they be mistakes you previously made, embarrassing moments that you internalized, traumatic experiences you endured, or treatment from others that you did not deserve, it allows us to bring these experiences to light in order to process them through the use of self-compassion, self-acceptance, and healthy coping skills.
Here are a few tips to try when beginning inner child work:
- Acknowledge your inner child and their needs: Allow yourself to recognize the vulnerable parts of your psyche so you can care for those pain points, just like if a child in front of you was in pain and needed comforting.
- Practice self compassion: It can feel uncomfortable to be honest about our vulnerabilities and difficult childhood experiences, but practice giving yourself some grace.
- Identify and understand your triggers: Bring these past memories to the surface in order to see how they make you feel in the present moment.
- Learn and implement new behavioral techniques: Instead of reverting back to unhealthy and unhelpful coping mechanisms, try using a new technique to process these feelings and memories, such as affirmations, journaling, or meditating.
A great resource to learn more about this topic is “Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child” by John Bradshaw. If you are interested in taking the step to begin your own inner child work with a professional, please feel free to contact our office at Wellness Counseling!
References
Balasundaram, P. (2023, March 8). Human growth and development. StatPearls. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK567767/#:~:text=Infancy%20
Cleveland Clinic. (2024, November 18). Meet your inner child. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/inner-child
Pedersen, T. (2022, November 16). How to heal your inner child: 10 self-soothing tips. Psych Central.https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-heal-your-inner-child#:~:text=Inner%20child%20exercises%20%E2%80%94%20like%20self,Acknowledge%20your%20inner%20child
Wichita State University. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Hierarchy of needs. https://www.wichita.edu/services/mrc/OIR/Pedagogy/Theories/maslow.php
